Eating Food Are You? Prick…

Tangerine-Topped Adam was this week’s man with a pan and arriving at his Brooklyn mansion felt very much like regressing 15 years as our lateness was met with a sullen face and threatening gestures with kitchen utensils. Still, we had good excuses…it was Friday and the end of the working week needed suitably celebrating with a few Babyshams. Unfortunately it was too early to blame the clocks shifting.

Thursday Club regulars Teddy and Boogie were in attendance as well as Adam’s new flat mate (and Thursday Club virgin) Jason. It’s incredible that we have two Jason’s in the club who are so strikingly similar but if you need to tell them apart then you’ll notice that new Jason has slightly fuller eyebrows and smells like Brazil.

So this week’s menu (which I got whilst drunk on the Wednesday causing me to nearly eat my phone) was as follows…

Trio of Pizettas (shredded duck confit, apple & cheddar – “Greek” with olives & feta – Spicy Marinara, smoked mozerella & basil)
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Mini Potato Dauphinois with Crumbled Kielbasa & Braised Broccoli Rabe
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Parmesan and Herb Crusted Snapper Filet with Garlic Cream Sauce, Black Pepper Biscuit & Micro Green Salad
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Baked Banana Crumble with Mixed Berry & Balsamic Reduction

Now as you may have picked up from previous entries of mine, nothing says “welcome” quite like some stray meat hanging about on a table that needs clearing up. Now when that stray meat is duck confit then that’s a seriously big welcome and frankly I don’t even remember saying hello to people until there was only bone on show (fnarr fnarr).

The assault on the vino began (along with the ritual promise for someone to blog the wine which will probably never happen) as the first course hit the oven. Undeniably, I have a poor grasp on languages (I am English and it is my God given right not to learn other languages) but I assumed that Pizzettas were going to be little pizzas. Apparently not. Adam had been doing his homework and found out that the direct Italian translation is actually “Pizzas for hungry oil rig workers” and hence we were treated to a kilo of majestically topped dough each. It may have been a clever ploy to soak up the 5 pints we were all clearly on the wrong side of but it was very welcome. Old clever noggin’ had been to hit his local pizza gaff to secure the dough which was pretty thick and rose up a bit to much (for which I’m sure there is a scientific reason that I neither know nor care about) but the toppings were luxurious enough not to care. The smoked mozzarella was seriously tasty with just enough spice in the marinara to keep it interesting. The duck confit was good (nothing controversial there) but was made by the pairing with the crisp apple. But my hands down fave was the Greek – nice salty feta and big juicy black olives…all good stuff for building up more of a thirst.

Next up was the dauphinoise which was beautifully executed with a good crispy top, perfectly al dente spuds and enough cream to drown a cat in. Faultless stuff and I remember helping myself to a cold slice in the early hours of the morning and being happy with life all over again. This was my first taste of kielbasa (which I actually thought was a fish…yes, laugh away yanks) but I’ll certainly be back for more. I may have been spoiled as Adam told me it was the finest kielbasa in Brooklyn but I was certainly impressed and it turned the dauphinois from great to exceptional. You could see chef was going for some yin & yang with the creamy tatties and sharp broccoli rabe with lemon but the broccoli turned out to be as bitter as a 50 year old dumpy mother of four who had been dumped for a 20 year old waif.

Next onto the snapper which was perfectly cooked and literally melted on contact with my gob. The parmesan and herb coating gave it flavour without overpowering the snapper and I could have snaffled them up for a good couple of hours. The black pepper biscuit (scone for the English readers) was a touch of genius as pepper and butter were equally, yet separately, prevalent in every mouth-watering bite. The garlic sauce came out a little thin but had all the flavour you would expect and the micro-green salad was good but I never thought I would see the day that it would appear on the Meat Monster’s menu.


Unusually, Boogie had been awake throughout proceedings but the end of course three signaled his traditional weekly twat-nap. With over 30 minutes to wait whilst thick slices of banana went extreme sun-bathing with only brown sugar for protection (an unwise decision in anyone’s book) it was time for the awake Jason to show us his party trick.


You may think that an unemployed man may want to set aside $800 for things like rent or food but this king of coffee “invested” his in a coffee maker that may double as a NASA satellite at the weekend. However, the sweet nectar that this thing produced was quite beyond your average cup of George. Kudos to the barista although I was regretting my equivalent of 6 coffees at 5am whilst laying in bed and trying to recreate the sound of an entire marching band with my teeth.

Onto the final course of sweet, molten, mushy bananas (in a good way…I am from the land of mushy peas don’t forget and they are holy food) topped with a tasty mixed berry and balsamic vinegar sauce. A great finish to an exceptional meal. Well done fella – you have done the ginger population proud.