Dear Food Network

Please, with immediate effect, take "Cooking with Sandra Lee" off the air.

Whatever possessed you to air such a disgraceful programme anyway? It's not even cooking is it? Just slopping together a few bits from the pantry, opening some packets and tins of stuff, slurrying things up a bit. Where's the love? The passion? I have nearly as much contempt for Lee as I do for the miserable cow who knocks out pap like this.

I checked out Lee's profile on Food Network's web page and I found some very interesting facts. She's the eldest of 5 children. She "offers savvy shortcuts and down-to-earth secrets for creating a beautiful, affordable and most of all, doable life." Fucking hell, who comes up with this drivel? She turned her home into the "American Dream". What? She turned a perfectly good building into cheap burgers and hot dogs and converted the back garden into a Nascar track?

Her biography is called 'Made from Scratch'. It should be called 'Made from Scrap'. After all, that's her idea of food. According to a review on Amazon.com, "Made From Scratch will make you laugh, cry, think, and embrace the grace and glory in every day." I know they mean. I laugh, cry, think, and embrace the grace and glory every time I drink a martini or let rip with a satisfying fart.

Quite possibly, her only endearing trait is that she's a raging wino, just like me, but I am sick and tired of her whining and cheating and seeing her minging blonde mug all over my TV. Why can't you use the silly bitch's slot for something else? Something GOOD? Something interesting?